The Golden Rule

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

The Golden Rule.

I love you even though you may not love me.

I take care of you even though you may despise me.

Allow me to enter the gate.

While you have slandered my name in public,

and, told me you hate me to my face,

I fear not.

I love you.

When people chose idle gossip,

to ruminate about my choices

as a distraction to their own life.

I love you.

Allow me to enter the gate.

When you cast me aside as a friend

when I am no longer

needed or necessary to you.

I love you.

Do to others as you would have them do to you.

I forgive you.

The Golden Rule.

Open the gate.

Stop

I struggle.

It captures me.

It spins me around and around.

I want it to stop.

But, it seems nearly impossible.

The moment I surface,

is the moment it plunges my head back underwater.

Stop.

I want it to stop.

The waves crash over me,

I gulp for air,

I scream for help.

I speak my truth.

The moment I surface,

is the moment it swallows me whole.

Stop.

I struggle.

I fight.

I see the daylight above.

The waves keep crashing.

I cannot get air.

Stop.

 

I admit I am a compulsive overeater.  When food takes hold, it is for reasons of protection.  A way to deal and cope with feelings of insecurity, frustration, anger, or low self-esteem.  I have used this method as a way to cope with my husband’s death.  

For those struggling with a food addiction, the above is the best way of describing how it feels internally at times – like a losing battle with a demon.  

This is how I feel right now – my reality.  While the sun can be shining outside, inside, it is bleak and dark. Like a barren desert landscape or drowning in a vast sea.

Until you unearth the deep rooted cause, you will not stop it.  This is my truth.

I am home

My being exists

inside and beyond.

Your being exists

inside and beyond.

The being intermingles

in a web of trust and

openness.

Wrought by time and richness.

Spirits flow in unity.

Held in beauty and light.

Awakening to the eye.

Beyond time and definition.

In eternal and ancient union.

One comes home.

I have arrived.

You have arrived.

Exist no longer.

 

“May my soul smile in the embrace of my anam cara” — John O’Donahue, A Blessing for Death.

After urging from my friend Lisa (thank you!) to read Anam Cara by John O’Donahue, I finished it cover to cover last night.  The wisdom of the Celtic Spiritual tradition just left me with such deep inner peace and knowing.  It is making me rethink my decision not to go to Ireland this fall again.

This is my final reflection on the whole of my readings of Anam Cara and a morning offering to guide your day.

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My one day, my one hour

You walk with me.

You walk near me.

But, yet I turn my eye to you.

Every step that I take,

I know not the hour that you come.

But one day, one hour,

you will come.

And, in that hour,

nothing will be the same.

You are a daily companion,

I do not want to travel with.

But, yet, I do.

I know your bittersweet taste.

When you have knocked on my door

and visited

nothing has remained the same.

The emptiness,

the loss,

the intense desolation.

I know you well.

Too well.

My dear friend,

we walk silently as partners all 

throughout

life.

May your lesson

allow me to live fully,

today.

Let me take what comes tomorrow

before you come

at my one day,

my one hour.

Fast, faster.

Things move fast, faster.

Expectations abound.

What can we get done in the minutes that we have today?

Fast, faster.

Time keeps ticking.

How effective and efficient can you be?

What can you do in the time you have in between the next thing?

Fast, faster.

I grow weary of all that I must accomplish

in the time I have been given.

Fast, faster.

I can’t seem to keep up with the demands of today

yet, I am expected to.

Fast, faster.

Where is the wonder, the questioning,

the growth?

Time, I don’t have time for that.

The second-hand keeps moving.

Fast, faster.

I don’t have time even for my own self.

I am drowning in a sea of time

with an undercurrent set by modern

life.

Fast, faster.

Sunday, Monday

Well, I didn’t craft a run race report this weekend.

To be honest, I was torn.

But, after reflecting, I think I had a non-run but run related victory.

You see, there was a gal in my run group who, well, we got a little too competitive last year.  We are both strong runners.  And, with human nature, we like to be the best.

So, we got on the outs last year.  It made me very uncomfortable, to say the least.

It was last October that I decided to try to make amends and we did.  On Facebook, if that is any amends-making.   I hardly doubt so.

Things didn’t warm too much.

And, finally, for the first time this year, we were both in the running group.

I can’t take tension, and I don’t see the need.

So, I said “hello!”  She was lukewarm about it, and I tried desperately to engage in conversation.  She warmed up a bit more, and lo and behold we were on a bit better term leaving on Saturday.

Then Sunday was the Fairhaven Father’s Day Road Race, and the relationship even improved more.  We had a great conversation about what else, sneakers!?!  And I congratulated her on her PR.   She hugged me.  Yes, she hugged me.

Today, she joined my local running group and signed up for the hills workout on Thursday night.

I am so elated.

At this point, she is probably a better stronger runner than I.  But, what does that matter.

I also happen to think she has a natural beauty, which I don’t have.  So a little jealously always played into it.

I am so glad that we are making a sincere amends to each other.

In the end, relationships are more important.

In the AA program, they call this making a “living amends.”  It sure feels good to put that stuff aside.

Oh, and yes, I did have a great hill workout with the group.  What an excellent group it is.   Although the weather could have been a bit more cooperative.

 

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Here I am to the left, with my friend I made a “living” amends to in the center seated.

It was great to be a part of the Fairhaven Father’s Day Road Race.  With almost 2,000 people there, I got to see many old and new friends.  That is what running is all about.

Here is my old friend Geoff Smith again!  Geoff, two-time Boston winner, took his age group with a 7:35 or so pace. Not bad for a 60+ plus!  I did the 10K but had a lackluster performance.  It started pouring mid-way through and I just felt everything get heavy on me.  The wind went out of my sails. Oh well, not every running day is a stellar one.

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So sometimes it is not about the run, it is about the friendships, and that is what is most important in life.

I look forward to my hills workout on Thursday night with my old friend, new again.

In the infinite pause

Deep within lies a hidden silence.

My friend, stop and listen to

the space

in between what I have said and what I have left unsaid.

What I really mean to say is never said

instead

it lies

hanging in the infinite pause

left unspoken.

In a rush to speak,

I know you feel you must but don’t.

Stop and listen.

Listen to the pause of what is between

the words

and you shall know

the secrets my soul

that have yet to be revealed

in the infinite pause.