I am so alone

There lying still underneath

the cloak of my

egocentric exterior

lies a lonely soul

seeking companionship

in a world that values

idols and false images.

 

I am so alone.

 

I wait for rebirth

for new beginnings

but yet I fear

that my time has past

in a time of my life

where I slowly slip

into the narrow channel

of a deepening age.

 

I am so alone.

 

I thought of my youth

just the other day

and all I took for granted

and let slip by

as I mourn the passing

of lost opportunities

and chances

of moments of bliss

and deeply passionate encounters.

 

I am so alone.

 

I wait for the unexpected spark

lit unknowingly in the middle of a

deep and dark night

when an ember turns into a flame

like a match sets a fire

to something that has been concealed for far too long.

 

I am so alone.

 

I have travelled far.

I have travelled far.

Into deep, distant crevices.

Crevices that mark the geography of my soul.

 

I have travelled far.

There is no turning back now.

I must continue.

I must continue forward into the fog and the darkness.

 

I have travelled far.

But, yet, I am frightened.

I am so frightened.

Of the distance ahead of me and the deep unknowns that lurk.

 

I have travelled far.

To come here.

Right here.

Right now.

 

Pushing toward the peak.

Driven by desire.

Pulled by longing.

 

I have travelled far.

 

Take my hand

and travel with me.

 

I can’t do it alone.

I have travelled far.

 

I need you.

 

I remember…

I remember.

I remember that day.

So vividly as if it were yesterday.

Seared on my soul, like a wild brush fire.

 

I remember.

Exactly what happened step-by-step.

Moment by moment.

As if those moments were only yesterday.

 

I remember.

The unbelief.

The shock.

The darkness.

 

I remember not knowing what to do.

 

Shaking and trembling.

 

I remember.

The tears, the screams.

The cars sitting in traffic.

Waiting for their turn at the lights

all the while, I felt like my life had just ended.

 

I was in distress, my ship was sinking

I was drowning

but yet no one heard my mayday call.

 

I remember.

It was the end of a dream.

It was the end of my life.

It would change the very meaning of who I was.

 

I remember begging and pleading with God.

Saying, “No” this can’t be true, this can’t be possible.

How could this be happening.

Please say this is NOT happening.

 

I remember…

in one brief moment,

 

There went my hopes and my dreams.

There went all I had ever wanted in this life.

And all for no reason. All without cause. All without sense.

And in its place, nothingness.

 

I remember that I could not see beyond,

to what today might hold.

That in that pain, something more and greater would arise.

Something more beautiful than had been there before.

 

I remember death that day.

But, today, I see new beginnings.

A new life.

 

I remember feeling resentful, angry, and intensely lonely.

I remember those feelings.

Feelings as if they were just felt a moment before.

 

Until now, here I stand, having lived through each moment,

since that moment,

standing before you with grace and fully alive.

 

Emerging from the dark side of the soul.

 

Now, I know…

I have become what I have meant to be in this world

because of this moment.

Do you really have it all?

You have it all.

But what do you have?

 

You have the house.

You have the car.

You have the life.

 

But, do you really have it at all?

 

Do you have love?

In your heart

and

in your soul?

 

You have it all.

But what do you have?

 

You have the competence.

You have the respect of many.

You have self-assurance and confidence.

 

But, do your really have it all?

 

Do you have love?

The one thing that you heart beats for?

The one thing that your soul longs for?

No matter where you are

or who you are

or what you are

if you don’t have love

then you are the

poorest

of the

poor.

 

Do you have what

your

heart

so deeply

hungers for?

 

Do you really have it all?

 

 

 

 

I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you.

There is no explanation for that.

No desire to know more about

the how or the

why.

 

I just do.

 

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I need not explain why you

and

I

are destined to be here.

It is not our calling

to explain the intricacies

of

what we know not.

 

We just are.

 

I love you, I love you, I love you.

There is no other place

that we belong

than in our secret place.

Only our souls can answer why.

Otherwise we risk

the destruction of our

mysterious

and

lyrical

presence.

 

We are called

only to trust that knowing.

 

I love you, I love you, I love you.

 

That is enough.

 

 

 

I fight you, I fight you.

I fight you, I fight you…

you lurk in deep corners.

You are a demon

until I am afraid no more

and then

I have

slain you.

 

I fight you, I fight you…

in a battle that is only seen

from within.

You are a demon

until I wrestle no more

and then

when we cease

I have found

my soul.

 

I fight you, I fight you…

until we fight no more.

I cast aside my fears,

and I accept the

loss and change.

 

And, instead we become friends,

and you bless me, and bless me

with

the gifts of

healing and freedom.

 

You haunt me no more.

 

I am not your possession‚Äč

I am not your possession.

You cannot own me.

I am not a book, a company, an idea, or even money.

I am not yours to have.

 

Look away with that eye of greed.

Glance it elsewhere

at someone or something

that glances back.

You cannot look me in the eye.

 

Let me be

in my innocence of desire.

You seek

to poison and impoverish me.

 

I am not your possession.

You cannot own me.

I am not a car, a boat, a place, or even a house.

I am not yours to have.

 

There, over there.

The one that dares

to look me in the eye.

To peer deep

and sees

my secret beauty

hidden deep beneath.

 

Let me be

with truth, courage, and expectation.

To see me in true light.

Who seeks

to know my nature, destiny,

and my inborn divinity.

 

Full of invitation, possibility, and depth.

 

But, not you.  No, not you.

 

I am not your possession.