I wish myself into the future

I wish myself into the future

but then yet

I would have missed the cool

late summer air on my

skin.

 

I wish myself into the future

but then yet

I would have missed her

beautiful smile

and laugh

as she

sat with me.

 

I wish myself into the future

but then yet

I would have missed

the world go by

as I sat

staring silently

into space.

 

I wish myself into the future

but then yet

I would have missed

the bright sunshine caressing

my skin

on a glorious late

August day.

 

I wish myself into the future

but then yet

I would have missed

the couple

walking hand in hand in the

park.

 

I wish myself into the future

but then yet

I would have missed

the early morning sunshine

wake me from

my

sleep.

 

I wish myself in the future

but then yet

I would have missed

the dusk

as it settled in

to close yet

another day.

 

I wish myself into the future

only to forget

the true gifts

exist in the present.

 

I feel my own weight

I feel my own weight.

Pressing down on me

holding me in place

to this spot

where I sit and wait.

 

I feel my own weight.

For the first time

like I have never felt it before

sinking me further and further down.

 

I feel my own weight.

Wanting to reach out

and touch you

like I have never touched you before

as you gently hold out your hand.

 

I feel my own weight.

Washing over me

as I see you

and watch you

as you stand near me

like waves coming into the shore.

 

I feel my own weight.

As I have never felt it before

sitting in the silence

feeling your absence

as I have always felt it since

like the first time

since I felt it the last time.

 

I feel my own weight.

I feel my own weight.

I feel my own weight.

 

Where are you?

Where did you go?

Have you left me?

Yet, again?

 

I feel my own weight.

 

What should I fear…

I fear nothing.

In this moment of deep sadness,

there is life a foot

twisting and turning

just as the geese always seem to find their

way home.

 

I fear nothing.

In this moment of discontent,

there is something growing

in yet barren soil

waiting for the springtime

to announce its birth.

 

I fear nothing.

In this moment of uncertainty,

there is something so certain

that can’t be denied

just as the west wind will

blow in the chill of winter

to herald the snow.

 

I fear nothing.

In this moment of despair,

there is something so hopeful,

like the first rays of the sun

after a long stretch of rainy days

summoning  the flowers to spread their

magnificent petals.

 

I fear nothing.

 

For all around me

is everything.

 

 

In a dark time

In a dark time, my heart is nourished

by dreams that lull me into a soft sleep

forgetting all of the ills of a disconcerting

world.

 

In a dark time, my heart is nourished

by your touch

every so gently as you reach

to grasp my hand

drowning in your own

sadness.

 

In a dark time, my heart is nourished

by the call of my name

like an owl in the middle of the night

seeking its prey

while all the night creatures

scuttle about.

 

In a dark time, my heart is nourished

by the silent tears

of all those around me

who go about their

days unnoticed

not mattering.

 

In a dark time, my heart is nourished

by the glance you give me

across the table

knowing that it holds

the ancient pains

of a soul lost in a distant

time.

 

In a dark time, my heart is nourished

by my own pain and sorrow

held deep within

seeking an exit

to heal a vast humanity.

 

In a dark time, my heart is nourished

by the pain and strife

of a hurting world

who knows only division

while rhetorically speaking of its

wholeness.

 

In a dark time, my heart is nourished.

 

You are my hope.

You nourish me.

Take my hand.

Don’t let it go.

 

You nourish me.

What I have learned through loneliness

What I have learned through loneliness is …

to cry when the tears beg to fall

to sit in the silence despite wanting more

to resist the urge to call when I long to hear your voice

 

What I have learned through loneliness is …

to pretend like I am happy when I am really not

to trudge through existence despite wanting to collapse

to  want to reach out but can’t

 

What I have learned through loneliness is …

to love despite it all even though I hate

to keep going through the darkness even though I can’t see

to scream when no one is there to hear in the deep silence

 

What I have learned through loneliness is …

 

I must live when I feel like giving in

I must go on when I can’t take another step

I must endure when I can’t endure any more

 

What I have learned through loneliness is …
life is very lonely

when you are misunderstood

life is very lonely

life is very very lonely

 

Until you arrived.

 

O Israel, O Israel

Along the sea of Galilee,

my eyes scan the horizon.

My heart beats anew.

 

I stare out in absolute wonder and amazement.

The rain softly falls on me.

Caressing my age.

 

I am here.

I have arrived.

I am home.

 

Home to belief, forgiveness, and possibility.

I am home.

 

O Israel, O Israel.

 

Along the sea of Galilee,

I feel deep inside.

a peace that settles in my life.

It envelopes me in its embrace.

 

I am here.

I have arrived.

I am home.

 

Home to the next chapter, a new life, more possibilities.

I am home.

 

O Israel, O Israel.

 

Along the sea of Galilee,

I stare off into the distance.

Imagining the miracles of a prophet

long ago.

 

And, witnessing the miracle of my own

transformation

today.

 

I am here.

I have arrived.

I am home.

 

Home to miracles of transformation and transfiguration.

How I long for you,

like a lover longs to be loved.

 

Along the sea of Galilee,

I stare off into the distance.

I no longer am who I once was.

Nor who I once was is who I am.

 

O Israel, O Israel.

 

I shall never be the same.

 

The Sea of Galilee from Tiberias – January 2018

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Quote

I am a pilgrim

I am a pilgrim.

I set out in time and space,

hearing a call that only I could hear.

 

All that was old,

no longer remains.

Shed like winter garments

on the first hot late-spring day.

 

Who am I?

I know not.

 

I don’t recognize the face.

The jaunt in my step.

The voice that speaks from depths.

 

Little by little,

moment by moment,

time etches away

the last vestments of a fragile existence.

 

Allowing a shining, new, radiant being

to burst forth

after a time of gestation

in an almost

motherly womb.

 

Who am I?

I know not.

 

What seemed not to be happening

was happening.

Over and over,

day by day,

moment by moment,

until that one instance

 

when I realized that I had arrived.

 

I walked through dark valleys,

questioned deep motives,

cried endless rivers,

and submerged myself in dark silence.

 

And, in the end, I have arisen,

like the morning sun

who stretches slowly

across the horizon,

day after day

sometimes hidden by clouds,

sometimes brilliant with light,

but always still there.

 

I have a new name.

I know who I am.

 

I have shed her.

She is gone.

She lives no more.

 

Here I am.

Here I am.

Here I am.

 

A pilgrim

living in the freedom of what

yet lies ahead

by casting off into a deep ocean

all that was.

 

Transformed by every etching.