I am so alone

There lying still underneath

the cloak of my

egocentric exterior

lies a lonely soul

seeking companionship

in a world that values

idols and false images.

 

I am so alone.

 

I wait for rebirth

for new beginnings

but yet I fear

that my time has past

in a time of my life

where I slowly slip

into the narrow channel

of a deepening age.

 

I am so alone.

 

I thought of my youth

just the other day

and all I took for granted

and let slip by

as I mourn the passing

of lost opportunities

and chances

of moments of bliss

and deeply passionate encounters.

 

I am so alone.

 

I wait for the unexpected spark

lit unknowingly in the middle of a

deep and dark night

when an ember turns into a flame

like a match sets a fire

to something that has been concealed for far too long.

 

I am so alone.

 

I remember…

I remember.

I remember that day.

So vividly as if it were yesterday.

Seared on my soul, like a wild brush fire.

 

I remember.

Exactly what happened step-by-step.

Moment by moment.

As if those moments were only yesterday.

 

I remember.

The unbelief.

The shock.

The darkness.

 

I remember not knowing what to do.

 

Shaking and trembling.

 

I remember.

The tears, the screams.

The cars sitting in traffic.

Waiting for their turn at the lights

all the while, I felt like my life had just ended.

 

I was in distress, my ship was sinking

I was drowning

but yet no one heard my mayday call.

 

I remember.

It was the end of a dream.

It was the end of my life.

It would change the very meaning of who I was.

 

I remember begging and pleading with God.

Saying, “No” this can’t be true, this can’t be possible.

How could this be happening.

Please say this is NOT happening.

 

I remember…

in one brief moment,

 

There went my hopes and my dreams.

There went all I had ever wanted in this life.

And all for no reason. All without cause. All without sense.

And in its place, nothingness.

 

I remember that I could not see beyond,

to what today might hold.

That in that pain, something more and greater would arise.

Something more beautiful than had been there before.

 

I remember death that day.

But, today, I see new beginnings.

A new life.

 

I remember feeling resentful, angry, and intensely lonely.

I remember those feelings.

Feelings as if they were just felt a moment before.

 

Until now, here I stand, having lived through each moment,

since that moment,

standing before you with grace and fully alive.

 

Emerging from the dark side of the soul.

 

Now, I know…

I have become what I have meant to be in this world

because of this moment.

We are Holy ground.

Like a steeled fortress

penetrated by the opposing forces,

my protective distances collapse.

 

Like a sacred temple,

my deep inner longings

and soul

live,

and yet you have entered.

 

Your presence and life have become my ground.

My soul and desires have become your sanctuary.

 

We walk together with great courage

and

with

vulnerability.

 

The armors of protection have collapsed.

We are confidantes

of the soul.

 

No longer fighting,

we have fused,

our battles have ceased.

 

We are Holy ground

in a singular

embrace.

 

 

I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you.

There is no explanation for that.

No desire to know more about

the how or the

why.

 

I just do.

 

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I need not explain why you

and

I

are destined to be here.

It is not our calling

to explain the intricacies

of

what we know not.

 

We just are.

 

I love you, I love you, I love you.

There is no other place

that we belong

than in our secret place.

Only our souls can answer why.

Otherwise we risk

the destruction of our

mysterious

and

lyrical

presence.

 

We are called

only to trust that knowing.

 

I love you, I love you, I love you.

 

That is enough.

 

 

 

What did I really see today?

What did I really see today?

 

I saw a lonely man seeking company.

I saw an immigrant family huddled in a car waiting.

I saw an older couple in the twilight of their life.

I saw grandparents weeping silently for the loss of their grandson.

I saw roadside memorials marking those who have past and those that remain.

I saw a man reach out to gently touch the hand of the woman he loves.

I saw a beautiful radiant sky caressing a cold earth.

 

What did I really see today?

I saw the face of God in every place that I looked.

I saw heaven on Earth.

 

My heart leapt at each and every story

I envision those faces held.

 

My heart leapt at each and every story

my soul felt as it reached out into the beyond.

 

My heart leapt at each and every story

as I softly blessed them in their travels.

 

What did I really see today?

 

I realized for one moment today that my heart hung empty.  Not for them but for me.  In a world that cares little for each other, I care so much for the unknown that is karmically exhausts me.  I love beyond reason everyone and everything.  I pray that someone silently sees me, and their heart leaps for my tired and weary soul.  I pray…

I am not your possession​

I am not your possession.

You cannot own me.

I am not a book, a company, an idea, or even money.

I am not yours to have.

 

Look away with that eye of greed.

Glance it elsewhere

at someone or something

that glances back.

You cannot look me in the eye.

 

Let me be

in my innocence of desire.

You seek

to poison and impoverish me.

 

I am not your possession.

You cannot own me.

I am not a car, a boat, a place, or even a house.

I am not yours to have.

 

There, over there.

The one that dares

to look me in the eye.

To peer deep

and sees

my secret beauty

hidden deep beneath.

 

Let me be

with truth, courage, and expectation.

To see me in true light.

Who seeks

to know my nature, destiny,

and my inborn divinity.

 

Full of invitation, possibility, and depth.

 

But, not you.  No, not you.

 

I am not your possession.

 

 

The wound of mortality

You carry it.

I carry it.

We all carry it.

Deep in our heart

lie the wound of

mortality.

 

We try

to cover it with a blanket of skin,

but

no matter how much we try,

no wound is ever silent.

 

Beyond that fair exterior,

I feel the tremble

of your wound,

just as you feel the

tremble of mine.

 

You carry it.

I carry it.

We all carry it.

Deep in our heart

lie the wound of

mortality.

 

For one brief moment,

the sacred enters in

knowing exactly where our pain lay.

 

And, in that moment,

the divine light heals

your soul,

my soul,

as it gently weeps.

 

You carry it.

I carry it.

We all carry it.

Deep in our heart

lie the wound of

mortality.

 

For each of us,

the voice is different,

from a time when we were

damaged

or

wronged.

It evades time

and

analysis.

 

Only with waiting,

as with all great arrivals

in the soul,

healing comes from a place

we never predicted nor

anticipated.

 

Silently waiting for its time.

 

As your soul gently weeps,

as my soul gently weeps,

no wound ever remains silent.