I have travelled far.

I have travelled far.

Into deep, distant crevices.

Crevices that mark the geography of my soul.

 

I have travelled far.

There is no turning back now.

I must continue.

I must continue forward into the fog and the darkness.

 

I have travelled far.

But, yet, I am frightened.

I am so frightened.

Of the distance ahead of me and the deep unknowns that lurk.

 

I have travelled far.

To come here.

Right here.

Right now.

 

Pushing toward the peak.

Driven by desire.

Pulled by longing.

 

I have travelled far.

 

Take my hand

and travel with me.

 

I can’t do it alone.

I have travelled far.

 

I need you.

 

I fight you, I fight you.

I fight you, I fight you…

you lurk in deep corners.

You are a demon

until I am afraid no more

and then

I have

slain you.

 

I fight you, I fight you…

in a battle that is only seen

from within.

You are a demon

until I wrestle no more

and then

when we cease

I have found

my soul.

 

I fight you, I fight you…

until we fight no more.

I cast aside my fears,

and I accept the

loss and change.

 

And, instead we become friends,

and you bless me, and bless me

with

the gifts of

healing and freedom.

 

You haunt me no more.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I am anxious, I am scared.

My soul trembles deep within, my confidence escapes.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I know not what lies ahead of me, only behind.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I live in an interim period of what is between.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I feel no humor or sense of irony about me.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I wait each day for a coming liberation to free me.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

One day soon, I will stop the punishment and smile.

Fragility and pathos

Darkness rolls down from the slopes,

Slowly seeping into the valleys

Robbing the day

Away from its stronghold.

As the night ebbs in

It seeps into corners and crevices

Taking away identity of all that is known.

The light retreats as if after a battle

Losing its strength to the mighty

Darkness that marches towards it

Willingly throwing down its arms

In defeat.

Vulnerability sweeps the land,

Strange sounds not heard during day

Begin to emanate in the darkness.

Wild animals hidden from the light

Emerge into its deep, lush cover.

The mountains lay hidden in black

With all of their giant stature gone

Their power and might lost in submission

To the blackness that holds them

Captive in its mystery.

Fragility and pathos

Encircle the light as darkness

Overtakes it.

A struggle of presence over anonymity

Lies in the darkness that seeps

Down through the mighty slopes

Of infinite stature.

This poem was inspired by this evenings sunset as I️ contemplated the darkness edging into the light in Franconia, NH. Where I️ stay is only a stone’s throw away from Robert Frosts homestead. I️ have been coming to this inn for close to fifteen years, sometimes by myself, sometimes not. I️ first came when I️ was still married to Dennis. Sometimes multiple times of year. I️ have become like family here and I️ was saddened to hear of the innkeeper’s husband diagnosis of cancer. I️ felt that pain as the darkness overtook me.

Danger, magic

Danger, magic

All in one.

Knowing.

 

My mind seeks and explores

thoughts move back and forth

like a relentless voyager.

 

Danger, magic.

All in one.

Knowing.

 

Distant shores beckon me.

Like waves rolling me to and fro,

I long to discover anew.

 

Danger, magic.

All in one.

Knowing.

 

I am a pilgrim

in search of

ecstasy,

in search of

discovery.

 

My mind rolls on waves

to the shores

of mystery,

I am called to discover.

 

Thoughts roll to and fro

fractured

through the prism of life.

 

Danger, magic.

All in one.

Knowing.

 

I am a discoverer.

I am an explorer.

An archeologist of the

soul.

 

Drawn by the unknown

into the mystery,

from anonymity to intimacy.

 

Danger, magic.

All in one.

Knowing.

 

I awake to the numinous

lying below

cloaked as knowledge

but emerging as desire.

 

 

 

“To be dead is stop believing in the masterpieces we will begin tomorrow.”  — Patrick Kavanaugh

 

Ancient knowing

Ancient knowing.

Complete understanding.

In a land far away.

Magnificence awaits hidden deep below

By the din of the banal, by the din of the ordinary.

My soul blossoms in the eternity it finds

Surrounding me all around.

Near the ocean, the waves come in

And, I hear uttered close within,

“Alleluia”

In a moment of instant recognition.

Everything that was all knowing,

Appears.

Near the ruins of centuries past, the wind whispers

Softly in my ear, the symphony

Of a hymn sung long past.

Taking away the clothe of my suffering.

The banality of my existence.

Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes,

The divine that lies within stirs.

Ancient knowing.

Complete understanding.

In a land far away.

In the eternal

17 years ago, my brother, Robert Travers, Jr., died at the age of the young 36 of rare cancer after a very short struggle.  

On this day, while my heart still aches terribly and the tears still fall, I honor his life and his bright light before while here on Earth and in the eternal.

 

In the eternal

our love still remains

as it always had.

 

In the eternal

you are safe and whole

and

vibrantly alive.

You are completely free.

 

In the eternal

my love reaches you

like the waves from a vast

continent reaches another.

 

In the eternal

you still live deep inside of me

ever present, ever knowing,

ever watchful.

 

In the eternal,

your soul and mine

are connected.

I feel your smile upon me

as you see all that I do.

 

In the eternal,

you are never a memory,

you only are

still alive in every being

that knew you.

 

In the eternal,

your soul awaits mine

so that your joy becomes mine

and we never separate

in that beautiful home of

eternity.

 

 

I miss you, my dear brother, I miss you…

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“You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.”  — Kahlil Gibran