Sat Nam.

Sat Nam.

Inside of me.

 

Sat Nam.

Shining through the illusion of self.

 

Sat Nam.

The true identity.

 

Sat Nam.

The only existence that matters.

 

Sat Nam.

The divinity that lies within.

 

Truth is my identity.

The essence of all that is

like a mirror shining on the cosmos.

 

Divinity rests inside

to be discovered like

a seed as it grows.

 

Sat Nam.

Awaken my soul.

 

Come, come and dance

Come, come and dance.

Dance with me

in the sacred dance.

 

Come, come and dance.

Shed away all that is illusion

protecting and fielding

a human life.

 

Come, come and dance.

Strip away all the falsities of a parade

marching by with

flamboyant costumes and masquerades.

 

Come, come and dance.

Take off your garments

throw off your ideologies

and sing with me

in all your great nakedness.

 

Come, come and dance.

I breathe in all that you are

and I breathe out all that I am not.

We too are intermingled.

We are one.

 

Come, come and dance.

Dance the beautiful, stirring,

liberating,

sacred dance.

 

Come, come and dance

with me.

 

Take off the mask

Illusions of grandeur.

Momentary lapses of self-importance?

Egocentric desires run rampant.

 

Take off the mask.

 

One word breaks the crackled skin.

Not worshipped enough?

How dare they.

 

Take off the mask.

 

Anxiety, fear, defensiveness pervades like fog over the ocean.

Have your fragile assumptions been checked?

Defend that ego.

 

Take off the mask.

 

Stop the struggle.

Release yourself into the God

who created you.

Let go of your illusions of self.

 

Take off the mask.

 

Let go of the need for control.

Release yourself into the God

who birthed you.

Let go of your illusions of egocentric desires.

 

Live.

 

“The ego is the false self-born out of fear and defensiveness.” — John O’Donohue

 

 

Down, down, down…

Down, down, down.

Deeper I go.

The ascent up was meaningless.

 

A job making six figures.

Traveling all over the country.

Money to use lavishly.

Look at me and my title.

 

Never enough.

 

Down, down, down.

Deeper I go.

The ascent down is full of meaning.

 

Freefalling.

In deep confusion

at times in desperate despair.

 

Clinging to an illusionary existence.

 

What am I really here for?

What am I suppose to be doing?

 

I shed myself of false pretenses

trying to live into an authenticity that is all mine.

Only trying to do good

while getting things done.

 

Down, down, down.

Deeper I go.

I am finding myself in the freefall.

In the descent down.

 

Until I finally hit bottom.

And, I have arrived.

 

As a human, I’m just a tiny moment of consciousness, a tiny part of creation, a particle that reflects only a fragment of God’s love and beauty. And yet that’s enough. And then we return to where we started—in the heart of God. Everything in between is a school of love.  – Richard Rohr

 

 

In the darkness

Where are you in the darkness?

I am vulnerable.

I am foolish.

I am weak.

I am despised.

 

Where are you in the darkness?

You see my wounds.

You see my hurting.

You see my agony.

You see my angst.

 

Where are you in the darkness?

I want to see the light.

I want to feel the light.

I want to be the light.

I want to spread the light.

 

Where are you in the darkness?

I wait.

Who were you?

Cold sweats in the middle of the night.

Waking stuffing food in my face.

 

Who were you?

 

A violent crime unreported.

Twenty odd years ago.

You plumaged my soul.

 

Who were you?

You threatened me.

You left me to fight.

You took all of me.

 

Who were you?

I let no one in close.

I keep everyone at arm’s length.

They reach out, I recoil.

My heart is frozen.

 

Who were you?

 

On that night.

My soul closed.

It took me away with it.

I recall only odd fragments.

Only what my soul allows.

A blessing.

 

Who were you?

You thief?

The greatest robber of them all.

 

Shame, guilt, embarrassment.

Who were you?

 

You stole my innocence and my belonging to the heart.

Tears roll down my face.

I shake even now.

 

As I shove food in my mouth.

To close my soul once again.

To hide you deep inside.

A violent crime left unreported.

 

Who were you?

 

I am there.

Be still and know that I am there.

Waiting silently for you to awaken

to grow into your destiny.

 

Be still and know that I am there.

Needing nothing else in return

just a recognition of knowing.

 

Be still and know that I am there.

Discovering that all along

that illumination was just a reflection.

 

Be still and know that I am there.

Having the courage

to live in the moment of expectation.

 

IMG_0681

This photo was taken almost four years ago to the day.  A solitary trail run during Grad School.  Winona, Minnesota, St. Mary’s University of Minnesota.  Rivers call us to be still and reflect.  This river most likely at some point in its life empties into the Mississippi, as Winona lies on the bluffs of that mighty river.

IMG_0693

And, just because I am awfully sentimental.  The athletic hallway to the pool I swam in nightly after class.  Four years ago this week, I finished my final Masters Summer Residence after three years of study.