Take off the mask

Illusions of grandeur.

Momentary lapses of self-importance?

Egocentric desires run rampant.

 

Take off the mask.

 

One word breaks the crackled skin.

Not worshipped enough?

How dare they.

 

Take off the mask.

 

Anxiety, fear, defensiveness pervades like fog over the ocean.

Have your fragile assumptions been checked?

Defend that ego.

 

Take off the mask.

 

Stop the struggle.

Release yourself into the God

who created you.

Let go of your illusions of self.

 

Take off the mask.

 

Let go of the need for control.

Release yourself into the God

who birthed you.

Let go of your illusions of egocentric desires.

 

Live.

 

“The ego is the false self-born out of fear and defensiveness.” — John O’Donohue

 

 

Who were you?

Cold sweats in the middle of the night.

Waking stuffing food in my face.

 

Who were you?

 

A violent crime unreported.

Twenty odd years ago.

You plumaged my soul.

 

Who were you?

You threatened me.

You left me to fight.

You took all of me.

 

Who were you?

I let no one in close.

I keep everyone at arm’s length.

They reach out, I recoil.

My heart is frozen.

 

Who were you?

 

On that night.

My soul closed.

It took me away with it.

I recall only odd fragments.

Only what my soul allows.

A blessing.

 

Who were you?

You thief?

The greatest robber of them all.

 

Shame, guilt, embarrassment.

Who were you?

 

You stole my innocence and my belonging to the heart.

Tears roll down my face.

I shake even now.

 

As I shove food in my mouth.

To close my soul once again.

To hide you deep inside.

A violent crime left unreported.

 

Who were you?

 

I have been lost.

I have been lost.

Lost for many years.

Lost in a world who doesn’t see my pain.

 

I have been lost.

Lost for many years.

Lost from a future no longer.

 

I have been lost.

Lost for many years.

Lost in the sad gravity of life.

 

I have been lost.

Lost for many years.

 

Then my soul is found.

My heart once crippled transforms

into ballet dancers

dancing

under the gaze and in the embrace

of belonging.

 

I have been lost.

I have been lost.

Lost for many years.

Lost in a world who doesn’t see my pain.

 

I have been lost.

Lost for many years.

Lost from a future no longer.

 

I have been lost.

Lost for many years.

Lost in the sad gravity of life.

 

I have been lost.

Lost for many years.

 

Then my soul is found.

My heart once crippled transforms

into ballet dancers

dancing

under the gaze and in the embrace

of belonging.

 

Transform me

Take all of me to

mold and shape

and form.

Transform me.

 

Take away my ego and

instead instill in me a sense of selfless

devotion and care for the world.

Transform me.

 

Help me to make amends to all those

that I have hurt,

treated unjust, and failed to love.

Transform me.

 

Help me to love all of creation

so that I understand that

I am not one above the other

Transform me.

 

Make me a disciple.

So that I too may spread

faith and not pure doctrine.

Transform me.

I must walk forward.

I must walk forever forward

into the darkness, the mist,

the unknown.

If I try to stay where I am.

The sunlight will dim,

and the clouds will obscure my vision.

Eventually, night time always falls.

 

I must walk forever forward

into the darkness, the mist,

the unknown.

The promise of possibility is only ahead.

Not behind.

What I know behind is easier than what I know ahead.

But transformation only happens in the deep darkness.

 

I must walk forward

into the darkness, the mist,

the unknown.

I know not why

but yet I must.

Eventually, night time always falls.

Eventually, dawn inevitably breaks.

 

I must walk forward.

 

 

 

 

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa

Three Acts of Contrition, my dear.

In the meantime,

for my little white lie,

three overdoses have happened.

 

Two Hail Marys, my dear.

In the meantime,

for my one swear word,

the oceans are dying.

 

One Our Father, my dear.

In the meantime,

for my rudeness

people around the globe are starving,

drinking unclean water.

 

So much hatred, violence, and ego-centric living in the world.

I sit in Church, atoning,

while our Earth is dying.

 

 

As I sit saying my rote prayers,

beating my chest over and over,

“Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.”

“My fault, my fault, my most grievous fault.”

 

People are dying all over the world.

And, I confess my white lie to save another.

 

“I  have sinned through my own fault,

my most grievous fault.”