My mid-life desires

In mid-life, I long to inhabit my own dignity.

To wear it like a presence unknown.

 

The way I walk, the way I hold myself, the way that I sit, and speak or not.

 

In mid-life, I finally want to come into my own.

To wear my dignity with ease and composure.

 

The way that I look at you, hear you, and talk about you or not.

 

In mid-life, I desire to be respected and honored all for who I am.

To wear my self-esteem with confidence and brilliance.

 

The way that I look at myself with affection, understanding, and respect.

 

In mid-life, I no longer want to look out there for me, but deep within.

To honor my self, and to love who I am with concern and worthiness like a lover loves his love.

 

In mid-life, I want to bloom into the grace and graciousness that is all mine to claim.

To look deep into my heart and embrace the love and light that shines for all those who seek.

 

In mid-life, I want to wear my spirit held deep within, as my outer cloak, never to be robbed of again, only to be held like a precious gem.

 

In mid-life, I finally want to belong to myself letting my soul sing freely to you.

 

 

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I am anxious, I am scared.

My soul trembles deep within, my confidence escapes.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I know not what lies ahead of me, only behind.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I live in an interim period of what is between.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I feel no humor or sense of irony about me.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

I wait each day for a coming liberation to free me.

 

I am anxious, I am scared.

One day soon, I will stop the punishment and smile.

My liberator, my savior, my redemption. 

Anger.

I hiss, I sputter, I spew.

 

Far too long I put up with it.

Just because, I wanted to avoid it.

 

“STOP!”

“NOW!”

 

I scream.

I can’t take it anymore.

 

Your lies, your deceit,

your blaming, your betrayal.

You psychoanalytical drama.

 

“STOP!”

“NOW!”

 

Anger.

I hiss, I pop, I screech.

 

My righteous anger rebels

against my own voice.

 

I can’t put me last

and you always first.

 

Don’t you see what you have done?

 

“STOP!”

“NOW!”

 

Perhaps, I am victim of a fire started

a long time ago?

 

Perhaps, I am too nice or eager to please

someone who gives two shits about me?

 

My fury simmers to a boil underneath

my nice exterior

until there is one moment

that I become more important

than you.

 

I unleash it.

 

Anger.

I scream, I wail, I cry.

 

Don’t you hear me?

 

I didn’t need to court your approval in the first place

why did I even try to?

 

A searing flame crackles deep within.

 

Anger.

I hiss, I bellow, I belch.

 

“STOP!”

“NOW!”

 

Now I have the power.

Now I am liberated.

Now I no longer comply.

 

You are not worthy of me.

I value life.

 

I claim my presence

here and now.

 

“STOP!”

“NOW!”

 

Anger.

My liberator, my savior, my redemption.

 

 

 

 

Great uncertainty

Now is the time

of

great uncertainty.

 

What I once knew to be true

I know not of anymore.

 

Dishelvement and confusion

weight me down

with gravity.

 

My heart is heavy.

My physical body tired.

I am spent.

 

Now is the time

of

great uncertainty.

 

But, yet you stand there

on the margins of

unknowing.

 

You encourage and guide

with your all your experienced

wisdom.

 

You know not of me,

but yet you walk in my

very shoes.

You understand me.

 

There is no judgment

just release.

 

Now is the time

of

great uncertainty.

 

I feel your whole

presence enfolding

and helping me

find that stairway up.

 

I crawl then climb

up, up, up

the staircase

towards the door ajar

where the dim light

leads me forward

out of the darkness that surrounds me.

 

Now is the time

of

great uncertainty.

Hands reach out

Hands reach out

To hold another

To embrace the other.

 

Hands reach out

To touch and caress the lover

To bless the lives of others.

 

Hands reach out.

To mend fences that define the line.

To build walls that stand the test of time.

 

Hands reach out

to pull triggers killing one another

to swish a knife in defiance of some other.

 

Hands reach out

to take communion holier than thou

To drink from chalices in memory of a vow.

 

Hands reach out

to write books that tell stories from long ago

to direct symphonies of great show.

 

My hands reach out to you.

What will you do?

 

In the light of love

In the light of love,

the sacred luminous of holy

casts its glance

longingly.

 

In the light of love,

music is made

lovingly

crafted

by expressed longings.

 

 

In the light of love,

two are made whole

where once

they lay

separately,

they now lay

at once together.

 

 

In the light of love,

the divine,

appears

between them,

enclosed lightly

in

their lover’s embrace

loosely holding

love ever within.

 

Lately, my interest in chanting has been growing, slowly like a birthing it is taking root.  Deva and Miten lovingly share chanting with the world.  Their music is beautiful and so is their love.  

 

This is my poetic take on their song.

Like a beautiful​ Lotus flower

Like a beautiful Lotus flower,

I unfold in your presence

just as you are.

 

When you speak,

I listen.

 

When you look,

I hide.

 

When you knock,

I invite you in.

 

When you breathe,

I come to life.

 

When I gaze at you,

I see not beautiful or ugly,

I see neither young or old.

 

I see

Neither surface or cover,

Neither made or unmade.

 

I see

a doorway

to your soul

reflecting back

your inward and

outer.

 

Like a beautiful Lotus flower,

I unfold in your presence

just as you are.

 

Like the Lotus flower,

I arise from my submersion

deep below the

blanket of a murky river

reblooming in your presence

pure and alive.

 

Deep within your

presence

I belong.