When I think about Chicago…

When I think about Chicago…

I think of you.

Wandering slowly

along the streets

memories following me

around

each

corner

in every

crevice.

 

When I think about Chicago…

I think of you.

I can’t escape.

It has been so long

since I have seen you

but yet

here it feels like

a yesterday

that I can’t have

anymore.

 

When I think about Chicago…

I think of you.

Loneliness overwhelms

me

even as I

walk in

a throng

of people

full of chatter

and

laughter

leaving me

silently replaying

a life

long ago

as if it were

a

silent movie

on a big screen.

 

When I think about Chicago…

I think of you.

How enamored you

were

with

such a

vibrant,

full of life,

attractive

young women

adoringly

loving

you.

 

When I think about Chicago…

I think of you.

Only you.

 

I wonder if today

you would

still love me

like you did then?

Would you still

find me

vivacious

and full of life

now when none of that is left?

 

When I think about Chicago

I think of you.

I wonder if our love

would have been

so perfectly imperfect

now when nothing seems right anymore?

 

When I think about Chicago…

I think of you.

I wonder if you would

still look at me

the way you did then?

Would you still want to hold me

like you did before?

Would you still reach for my hand

and

and never let it go

now when my youngness is gone

and my beauty

has faded?

 

When I think of Chicago…

I think of you.

Of our past.

And, of

our future

that never came.

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thought on “When I think about Chicago…

  1. Craig Lindell says:

    Have you considered the notion that you are not just mourning the loss of Dennis-of your lover and of being loved.
    You also seem to be mourning the loss of who you were when you were in his presence-of your image of yourself-who in the feelings of rapture you imagined yourself to be-who captured by the ecstasy you hoped you would always be.
    You are still beautiful. Despite your loneliness and your fatigue you are still radiant.
    Your life is slowly slipping the bonds of memory as luscious and seductive as they are and slowly the eyes of your mind and you emotions are discovering that you can be in fellowship with a future of your own self-actualization.
    It is I think a journey where if you are aware enough the edges of reason tumble into wonder and the edges of your emotions resist time and loss and tumble into beauty and awe.
    I am only just beginning to understand this myself as I mourn the loss of contact with those I love.
    I do not think it is a rationalization. It feels more like finding myself estranged and no longer able to celebrate the world in which they live. It is tragic and painful. But as you said “I have to breathe.”
    I should stop this with Christopher Frey’s, “Affairs are now soul sized. The task is exploration into God”
    Be still and rest.
    Craig

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s