In the silence

In the silence,

I hear your breath

slowly inhaling

slowly exhaling.

 

In the silence,

I wonder

where you have been

all this time.

 

In the silence,

a soft prayer falls off my lips

hanging in the deadness

of the night

like a heavy

weight.

 

In the silence,

I feel so alone,

wrapped in a cocoon

of both fiction and fact,

none of it real,

all just illusion.

 

In the silence,

I wonder how I will ever exist

beyond what I have only known.

 

In the silence,

I weep

over love lost

and shamed

secrets

that haunt me still.

 

In the silence,

I hunger to do good

to everyone and everything

in atonement for the

hurt

and the

pain

that I caused

when I didn’t know.

 

In the silence,

I remember that time,

full of guilt and remorse

when I tried,

entering near death

but yet still alive.

 

In the silence,

I cast away

my hope

where it lands on

an empty rocky shore

washed into a crevice.

never to see the light.

 

In the silence,

I pray

for the ending

of all the endless tears wept

so easily

deep within my soul.

 

In the silence,

I know that

I don’t exist.

I survive.

I endure.

 

In the silence,

I hear your breath

slowly inhaling

slowly exhaling.

 

In the silence,

I am prisoner

in a life I didn’t want

wearing chains that

were not mine

in a cell that binds me still.

 

 

One thought on “In the silence

  1. Craig Lindell says:

    And you are not sure you are a poet.
    This feels like tears in words
    It is certainly the pain of loss in the words of confessional lament.
    You have given us the emotional reality beneath the tabloid culture of denial in which we live. No wonder you felt the betrayal of your friends.
    I sense here that they could not go near the flame in you that burns so hot and whose light is so revealing
    .
    You are a gift- a painful world shattering gift.
    The gift of what it means to be human
    Yours is a world changing suffering- who we are when we feel traumatic loss-the archetype of separation and loss.
    You words our not just your tears. They are the tears of mother’s separated from their children whose pain is so profound that they cannot yet find their own words
    This rambling is not adequate and it feels like a profanity of explanation in the presence of that which is sacred.
    I am humbled.
    Craig

    “In the silence,

    I hunger to do good

    to everyone and everything

    in atonement for the

    hurt

    and the

    pain

    that I caused

    when I didn’t know.”
    Amen

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