Stop

I struggle.

It captures me.

It spins me around and around.

I want it to stop.

But, it seems nearly impossible.

The moment I surface,

is the moment it plunges my head back underwater.

Stop.

I want it to stop.

The waves crash over me,

I gulp for air,

I scream for help.

I speak my truth.

The moment I surface,

is the moment it swallows me whole.

Stop.

I struggle.

I fight.

I see the daylight above.

The waves keep crashing.

I cannot get air.

Stop.

 

I admit I am a compulsive overeater.  When food takes hold, it is for reasons of protection.  A way to deal and cope with feelings of insecurity, frustration, anger, or low self-esteem.  I have used this method as a way to cope with my husband’s death.  

For those struggling with a food addiction, the above is the best way of describing how it feels internally at times – like a losing battle with a demon.  

This is how I feel right now – my reality.  While the sun can be shining outside, inside, it is bleak and dark. Like a barren desert landscape or drowning in a vast sea.

Until you unearth the deep rooted cause, you will not stop it.  This is my truth.

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