What do you matter in my life? What does she matter in my life?
You know what, I don’t really care anymore.
There once was a time when I truly did.
I worried about you, I worried what you thought about me. I custom fit my life to meet your desired expectations.
No longer do I worry what you think. No longer do you define me. No longer do I allow you to define me.
You see, I am different. I am me. A uniquely imperfect human being that has a purpose. Not your purpose, not your standards, just mine.
If you don’t like me, I don’t care.
If you stare at me in my difference, I don’t care.
You fear me. You fear my courage. You envy me. You want to be you too.
But in your own insecurity and lack of love for yourself, you stare at me in jealousy, in awe, in aboslute lust.
I am beautiful just because I am me. I radiate from within. I am a good woman. And I know it, despite all that you told me and made me believe. And that scares you. But you don’t bully me anymore. Go away, get lost, go do your own work and stop worrying about fixing me.
Stop using your friends as a crutch to alleviate your insecurities by putting them down and making them feel less than you, by filling your lonliness and pain with meaningless nothing. Spend time with you. In the end, that is what we have. Didn’t you all abandon me just when I needed you? Scat, get lost, go home…start your work, look in the mirror, face your demons, embrace yourself and say “I love you!”
If you don’t love being alone with you, you will never love you nor will you be able to love anyone else or recieve it in return.
I love humanity. But, I feel sorry for you when you cast judgement on someone you barely even know nor really care not to. Walk a mile in my shoes and then you can own them. Until then, put on your own worn pair of boots and set out on your own path. No judgement to be had from me.
Stop staring at me and start caring about you.
And I say, screw em all, who needs them. Let them live in their own bondange of their perfect expectations.
Life is bold, live it with zest, with audacity, with boldness and courage. Because as I find myself in my solitude, I live it that way more and more. And, in it is freedom itself.
Screw em all. Live your life. Stop living mine. Stop the stares and look inward. And that is the best advise.
I am startingly beautiful. And, you can be too. We all are. You just need to look inside and not at me.