For so very long, my obsession had been with having the perfect body. I restricted food to such a degree that I almost became a full-blown anorexic, spending a two-week stint at Butler Hospital in the eating disorder program.
Thin did not make me happy. It created another monster, the obsession with food and my disordered eating.
The media had a large part to play in all this, but, my very own high ideals of extreme perfection and expectations of myself, set me up for failure and unhappiness.
Today, what I want most of all is “healthy” and “normal” eating. You know, going out to DQ and getting an ice cream or indulging in a pizza every once in a while. I dream of the day when I compulsively eat no longer. When abstinence is long-term and I have worked the program.
What I dream of is simple… TWO slices of pizza and three clam cakes. Birthday cake at my own birthday celebration. A hard ice cream sugar cone on a hot summer night. A whoppie pie shared with another.
Simple you think, but, not for me. Anyone of these “dreams” has the capability of setting me off on a binge of extreme proportions. Will I ever know sane eating? Probably not! But, I can dream, can’t I? For I have certainly given up on having the perfect body.
Now isn’t this all progress.
Day #27 of abstinence…almost one month or 30 days!