My life would not make sense if I did NOT have a higher power, how could it possibly?
My brother dying of cancer, my husband committing suicide, an abusive relationship and then a relationship with a full-blown alcoholic. All those experiences, have gotten me to right where I am now, today. Without them I would not be the person who I am, nor appreciate the people in my life.
It is only through those experiences have I been able to give Paul, the love of my life, the love that he so deserves.
Last night, I witnessed my higher power.
My late husband had written in a Christmas card a week before his first suicide attempt “My wife besides being smart is beautiful a treasure to be cared for and loved.”
He wrote that card entirely in the third person as if to someone else.
Paul, took my face in his hands last night and told me that I was a beautiful person inside and out. I went into my keepsake draw and pulled out that card to read it to him. In that moment, I realized that my husband knew exactly what he was doing, he would soon take his own life, and that someday that card would speak to the right person, and, it did…Paul and I both broke down and cried in tears, realizing that the card was a note from a husband not long on this earth to the next lover of his wife…
It took me six years to realized what that card was to signify. The right moment, the right person, according to His plan.
I knew in that instant that my higher power has a plan for me, and Paul is a huge piece of that plan.
Although, I have suffered many losses in life, I am grateful for what I do have. The experience that has honed my heart to love with abundance and great capacity.
I love you Paul.
Thank you, God.
Gratefully recovering food addict, day #13 of abstinence.