I know what binging will do and the feelings that it will cause. Intense shame, guilt and anger at myself for doing it.
Yet, even though I do know this, I still cannot stop from turning to food. I find comfort in binging. It helps me to stuff my emotions and to place myself in a “coma” not having to deal with what is at hand or what I am feeling.
This behavior does indeed cause me misery.
As I sit here today, I feel bloated and miserable after a week long binge last week. I am in remorse as I had been abstinent for quite a while and had lost some weight through the process.
I start anew with the hope that this is week number one of complete abstinence as I do not like how being the food makes me feel not only about myself, but, about life.